Career women: a matrimonial hazard?

While going through some discussions at an online forum, one topic caught my attention. It was titled ‘Why you should not marry career women’ and it quoted an article that said, “Guys: a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don’t marry a woman with a career” (‘Why you shouldn’t marry career women’ by Michael Noer, Forbes). The article goes on to state how research has found that the chances of a successful marriage are lower if men marry professional women since they are “…more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat, less likely to have children, and, if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it.”

Indeed, this is reflective of a typical chauvinistic mindset. Throughout human history, men have been portrayed as protectors, supporters, financers, caretakers and breadwinners, and therefore it is deemed that a career is a must for them. Most people think that a woman merely works for fun or for her own satisfaction, as she is not ‘responsible’ for supporting her family. A woman is always associated with childbearing and housekeeping and when she ventures out of her home to work, she is not really supposed to do it since it is a man’s job. Women have mostly been portrayed as enduring, self-sacrificing, all-loving, forgiving, etc., in literature, poetry and folk tales. Famous examples of such women include Agnes Wickfield (David Copperfield by Charles Dickens), Jane Eyre (Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte) and Sophie Western (Tom Jones by Henry Fielding) among countless others. Only a man, no matter how much he lacks in abilities compared to his other half, is supposed to work because he is the ‘responsible’ one while the woman is just there to look pretty and feed the children.

With the dawn of the 21st century, one expected that people would have progressed, but it seems as if the patriarchal mindset is hard to get rid of even in modern times since it gets perpetually fed from age-old traditions still persistent in society despite their well-known weaknesses. A majority of the male population still wants a wife who can do the cooking and cleaning, bear his children and then spend the rest of her life raising those children, while submitting to every whim and wish of her ‘master’ – her husband. It is almost as if the wife is a maid who has been hired for a lifetime to serve and please her ‘master’. Many men believe that highly-educated women do not make good wives because they are too independent. One wonders why men are so afraid of a woman’s independence. Are they so unsure of themselves that they are afraid to be in a relationship with a woman who is well-educated and has a successful career? Or is it because a woman who is financially independent will leave a bad marriage more easily than one who is dependent on her husband? One is bewildered to find out that marrying an illiterate or a less-educated woman, who is incapable of carrying out intelligent discussion, is preferable to marrying an intelligent and independent career woman. A career-oriented woman has a better understanding of how the system works and can use her insight and experience in bringing up her children. Her children would also benefit from more diverse and wiser points of view coming from both parents, instead of relying totally on the father to instill the ambition of a grand career.

Career-oriented women are a potential risk for those men who are accustomed to traditional so-called values that call upon women to stay at home and rear children and designate men as ‘protectors’ who are ‘burdened’ with so much responsibility that women should feel lucky. Women with careers are a threat to men because these women do not subscribe to this chauvinist mindset. They do not think men are the only ones who can bear responsibility; they do not believe they are less capable or competent; and they demand their rightful place in society. Yes, this is clearly not what the all-powerful male ego would be able to digest; and, yes, it may result in divorce because these women have the power to support themselves and would not plunge into misery if left on their own by their husbands. They can make their own living, so they would not take any nonsense from their husbands. There is nothing wrong in divorce if a relationship is not working. Even our religion gives us the right to opt for divorce if need be. There is no point in dragging on with a marriage when it has become mentally or physically abusive for the couple. Most women in our society keep living a life of misery and contain their tears since they have nowhere else to go.

Such stereotypical statements as made in the Michael Noer article lead to discrimination on the basis of ethnicity, gender, colour, caste, etc. No one chooses his or her destiny. It is not within our powers to choose to be born black or white, male or female, Pakistani or British, rich or poor. Society discriminates on the basis of these traits and we, who are part of this society, have grown accustomed to these discriminations. Men continue to exploit women through their own interpretation of religion, culture, traditions, etc, while society looks on. We go along with such stereotypical views because thinking outside the box is not one of our fortes. This traditional mindset would not change unless and until women start to feel secure about their independence. Women should not fear their qualities; they should cherish them and make the most out of them.

In his inaugural speech in 1994, Nelson Mandela said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate…Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, to be gorgeous, talented, and fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won’t feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God within us. And as we let our light shine, we consciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” He delivered this speech for the African race who is underprivileged and stereotyped in a similar manner as women, but his words are equally applicable to any class that is considered inferior merely because of the circumstances in which they were born and had no control over.

Those men who do not expect their women to become equal to them in stature should marry those unqualified women who are unable to do anything except raise children and, of course, look pretty. These men are not deserving of those women who have in them what was once called ‘witchcraft’ if found in females, but is now generally known as ‘intelligence’. Unless we are able to overcome our prejudices that have been injected into us just like inoculations against different viruses in our childhood, we would remain immune to the shining concepts of reason, justice and equality.